Endings and Beginnings
by ashmanonar
Summary: Just a short flashback and exposition of Inara's recent history; fits in with the Coded in Brown storyline. M/I, budding M/R, I/OC
1. Chapter 1

The story of Inara's wounding and recovery; set between 1 year before and at the beginning of Coded in Brown. (Framed just after Inara and Jamie's engagement in Coded in Brown)

* * *

><p>Inara curled up in Jamie's arms, both of them sated after they'd...well, after his proposal. She felt warm and safe, and although she knew that much might change in the next few days, she'd always have this moment with him.<p>

His hands were running idly over her; not with any particular destination in mind, but with a simple possessiveness that she knew she should have been annoyed with, but didn't feel particularly perturbed about right now.

His hand ran over a scar on her lower abdomen, and he felt puzzled for a moment; there was a long thin surgical scar next to it. Both were fully healed, but the rest of her body was so free of marks that he wondered for a moment. Then he remembered.

"This's from when you were shot, isn't it?" he whispered.

"Yes. The Doc did a great job putting me back together, but the hole was too big to heal without a scar."

"What's the story on the surgical scar next to it?" He'd never noticed it before; it was smooth enough that it wasn't really visible to the eye, just to the touch; and usually he was too preoccupied to think about a scar when he had his hands there.

Her face paled, and her eyes misted; she hoped he wouldn't notice. "It's a long story."

"Only truth with me, bao bei."

She sighed, turning now to look at him. His heart nearly broke from the sad look on her face. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

* * *

><p>The bar on this particular rim world was smokey, rough, and rowdy; it was just the sort of place Serenity's crew had to go to get the job done.<p>

They'd gotten wind that a local land baron had stashed some ill-gotten gold in a safe upstairs of the bar; that gold should be worth quite a bit to the right fence.

xxxx

Inara had on one of her sleeziest dresses; she wandered about the bar, flirting with the customers and distracting the bouncers.

She'd gone to the bar that morning, looking for "work". Kinison, the bar owner, had appraised her; she had on too much makeup, her hair was loose and slightly tousled, and the whorish dress she wore left very little to the imagination. He'd told her she could start that night.

She met Mal's eyes once or twice; she could see the jealousy running rampant in his eyes as she bantered with the wittier drunks at the bar and used her considerable beauty to distract the bouncer near the stairs. She silenced it with her own glare; she had to do this for this job to go down smooth.

Jayne, sitting a few feet away, leered in a most irritating fashion. She realized, though, that of all of them, Jayne was the most comfortable in a setting like this and had the least trouble fitting in. She gave him a coquettish smile and bantered with him for a few seconds; she could see that despite the face he put on, his eyes still expressed concern and worry. Good. She knew he would be dependable backup if a situation came up.

River would normally have taken this position; the girl was a consummate actor, and her insights into the heads of others gave her a sizeable advantage. River was needed at the safe, though, so Inara was the logical second choice. Kaylee wouldn't have a chance pulling off the duplicity long enough, and Zoe would deck the first man who pinched her pi gu.

xxxx

River worked delicately at the safe; it was a tricky one, as safes go, and she had to be careful not to set off the failsafe systems in it. She'd tickled it about halfway open, 3 out of 5 tumblers popped, when she suddenly got a vision of Inara laying on the floor, large hole in her stomach.

She paused, and looked up at Zoe, who was her backup. "They're in trouble." she whispered, then with a single precise tap of her hand on the safe door, popped the lock. Zoe's eyes widened; the girl was always pulling out a surprise or two.

"Grab the gold, then we must fly. Need to help." River said, her control cracking. It had only been 6 months since Miranda, and although her mind was her own again, controlling it was difficult. Tense situations and violence tended to destabilize her.

Zoe and River grabbed the few ounces of gold; hell of a haul, if they could get out with it; then went to go downstairs.

They both froze when they heard a scuffle begin downstairs, the bark of Mal's pistol, the deeper roar of Jayne's Lemat revolver; then a boom from some unknown gun, followed by Inara's scream. They took off down the corridor, vaulting for the stairs.

xxxx

Inara had just made another round of the room, assessing the situation, when Kinison sidled up next to her. "Haven't made a sale yet, huh pretty lady?"

"Still workin' my boys here. Ain't found th' right one yet." she drawled, careful to mask her Sihnon accent. Kinison's eyes narrowed though, and after he looked up and saw Mal glowering intently at him, pulled his big revolver out of its holster, and put it to her head after putting his arm around her neck in a hostage position.

Mal's gun was out in a flash, and Jayne had his hand on his. "Let the lady go, or there'll be trouble."

"Didn't think you'da cared 'bout a lowly whore. Not really yer business, is it?"

"Let her go." Mal growled, hand tightening on the pistol.

The bouncers nearby sprang into action, leaping toward Mal; his aim shifted slightly, and one of the bouncers dropped with a shattered kneecap; another shot dropped one with a shoulder wound. Then it was pure melee; Mal heard Jayne's Lemat go off once, then heard the man roar as he sprang into action.

Kinison's arm tightened around her neck; Inara knew she could get him off her, if only she could get that gun away from her head. "Thought ya were too good ta be true. Figgered ya weren't what ya claimed, but no matter. We'll see how good a whore ya are." he whispered grimly, putting the gun into its holster as he tried to sneak her away.

Jayne roared again, and 3 men that had been trying to hold him down flew off of him, crashing into tables and chairs. Jayne started to charge, and Kinison tried to draw his gun again; Inara chose this moment to move, and deftly escaped his chokehold, moving to debilitate him.

Kinison looked in surprise as he saw her escape and reach for his throat, and the gun shifted position accidentally, booming once, loudly.

Inara felt it as a murderously hard punch to her lower abdomen; she fell backwards, suddenly weak.

Mal yelled something unintelligible, and his revolver was in hand again after he disposed of the last bouncer. Before Kinison could lift the gun, Mal put one right between his eyes.

xxxx

River and Zoe rushed down the stairs to find the fight wrapping up; Jayne was knocking out the last bouncer, and Mal was crouched over Inara, holding his hands over the wound.

"Zoe!" he yelled, panic evident in his voice.

"Here sir. I'll get the Mule."

"Hurry!"

Jayne rushed over, and picked up Inara as gently as a baby. "I've got her, Mal. I'll be right behind ya."

xxxx

Mal paced unwearyingly in the common room, stopping after each revolution to peer into the infirmary, as Simon and River worked unhesitatingly to save Inara's life.

He didn't think he'd ever been this nervous, even when Kaylee had been shot by Dobson. He thought dark thoughts about the huen dahn who'd shot her; he was thankful Jayne hadn't had a chance to kill the bastard before he did.

Zoe approached. "Sir, I 'waved Lee and Chalmers. They're willing to take it for a 50/50 cut."

"Whatever you think is best, Zo'." he murmured distractedly.

Zoe stepped up beside him as he stared into the infirmary. "She'll be alright, sir. Ain't no better doctor than Simon."

"I sure hope so."

xxxx

Simon had just finished up repairing the torn sections of GI tract, when he turned his attention to the next fragment of the bullet. It had shattered upon hitting her, leaving nearly 10 fragments scattered in her abdomen that he'd had to search for.

Simon was too professional a doctor to let his reaction to the damage this fragment had done show on his face, but being that River could read his mind from across the ship, he knew she felt it.

She looked up, sadness creeping over her features.

_I've got to remove it, mei mei, or she'll die._

She nodded silently, then began selecting the tools he'd need to start.


	2. Chapter 2

Inara shuddered involuntarily as she thought of how close it had been; Jamie's arms tightened around her and pulled her close, his kiss smoothing away her fear. She continued her story...

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><p>She slowly rose through layers of darkness, until she found herself looking up at the infirmary ceiling. She floated in a haze, unaware of her body or what had happened for a moment; then the memory of that punch to the gut roared back into her consciousness. She looked around, as much as her weakened body could, and saw Simon sleeping peacefully with his head on the counter, dark circles under his eyes. She tried to cry out, but nothing came out louder than a whisper.<p>

She focused inwards, her mind forming a name. _River...River!_

She waited for a few seconds, then heard a soft padding sound as River came in from her room. She was wearing a nightshirt, and her eyes were as sunken as Simon's had been.

"River." Inara barely wheezed. River came to her, and placed a hand gently on her forehead.

_No need to talk out loud. I'm here._

_River. I'm fading. Fading fast. Wanted to tell you this before I was gone._

_Not going anywhere_ was the petulant response, but Inara could feel that it was tinged with fear and sadness.

_Whether I do or not, I wanted to give you a gift. I won't hold Mal from you anymore. I saw how you looked at him, many times...I still see it even today. You love him._

She only heard a sniffle in her mind, then River nodded imperceptibly.

_Pursue him. Fight for him. Chase him, and win him. I won't stand in the way anymore._

River started crying, and Inara felt tears fill her eyes too. They cried in companionable silence for a few minutes, until no more tears would come for either.

_See you in the morning._ River projected, a twinkle in her eyes.

Despite River's assurance, Inara drifted off into darkness, prepared for whatever faced her.

xxxx

She was surprised when her eyes popped open, to a brightly lit infirmary.

"Good morning!" said a bright voice. "Simon, she's awake!"

Inara picked her head up; didn't seem all that hard now. "Kaylee?" she said; her voice now came easily.

"Well, welcome back." Simon said, smiling now. "How are you feeling?"

"Feel like I got shot." she said, a grin on the corners of her mouth.

"That might be because you were." he said, grinning back. "Looks like you're out of the woods now though. I'll get everyone to come say hello when they can, but I want you to stay calm, no excitement, okay? You need to recover."

"Dang ran."

xxxx

Simon went and found Mal; he found him sitting up on the Bridge, dead asleep, River curled up in his lap. He smirked; even he hadn't missed that River had a huge crush on the Captain, and he was a boob, as River often noted. He gently tapped her shoulder, and she looked up at him, panicked at first; then she saw his smile and grinned, abandoning the warmth of Mal's lap and heading down to see Inara.

"Captain?"

"Huh-buh-wha?" Mal said, coming out of a sound sleep. "Inara?"

"She's doing fine, sir. She'd like to see everyone soon, I think."

"So she'll be okay?" Mal said, shaking the sleep out of his eyes and wondering why the hell his entire lap and chest was was _warm_, almost as though someone had slept on him.

"She'll be fine. She had a little dip in her vitals last night; the monitors didn't go off though, so it wasn't too bad. Afraid I dozed off about midway through the night."

"Don't fret on it, Doc. You brought her back."

"Well, she's much stronger today; I think she'll pull through in fine form. Her scars will be there forever though."

"Gettin' shot with a .50 mag slug and livin' through it? A scar is a small price to pay."

xxxx

Inara was glad to see everybody; they all came by, one by one, to see how she was doing. By the time Mal came by, she was feeling tired and dopey from the pain shot Simon had given her.

"Hey there, darlin'. How ya feelin?"

"I'm feelin' fine." she drawled. "Simon stocks some _gooood_ meds." she grinned.

"That he does. Had the pleasure of feelin' 'em a time're two myself."

Her face suddenly went serious. "Mal, I want to tell you something. I need you to stay here with me until I'm finished, because I don't have the strength to follow you out."

"Ya can tell me anything, 'Nara."

"I don't think we can be together, Mal."

"'Nara-"

"Listen! I don't think we can be together. It doesn't mean I'm going anywhere; I'm not particularly inclined to leave Serenity. But it does mean that we won't be lovers. Truth told, I'm not looking for a lover right now. Nor a husband, nor a companion.

"I am looking for a friend though. A confidante, a brother. Do you think we can do that?"

He was silent for a few moments, his face a mask of warring emotions. Then he grinned. "Sure we can, mei mei."

She beamed at the term of endearment. "Okay, ghuh ghuh."

She felt a sudden wave of exhaustion after the effort of the conversation. He saw, and patted her hand gently. "Why don't you take a little nap?"

"Thinkin' that's a great idea." she whispered.

xxxx

Simon came to her later that afternoon, after she had woken from her nap. Kaylee had brought a book for her, and she was reading idly, her mind in neutral.

"How are you feeling now?" he said, checking her vitals.

"Feeling a bit tired. Belly hurts a bit. Nothing too bad though."

"Well, I can't keep giving you the meds forever. You're going to feel some pain while you recover."

"I know that."

"Good." he seemed to stall a moment, and she noticed that he seemed like he was trying to build up a head of steam for something. Unnoticed by Simon, River slipped into the infirmary and closed the door behind her.

"I've got to tell you something, Inara. It has to do with the work we had to do to fix the gunshot."

She felt a sudden pit of dread in her belly.

"Shuh ma?"

"I...We had to remove your uterus. The blood vessels had been too badly damaged to be saved, and the fragment had torn up the uterus itself."

Her face fell, and she felt tears brim up. "You mean..."

"You'll never be able to bear children, if you should ever choose to...I'm sorry. I wish I hadn't been forced to."

She forced away the sadness and pain and looked up at him, seeing the pain he wore because of his choice. "You did what you had to do. Don't be sorry, you brought me back. I'm grateful you were here to fix me up." she smiled, but it was a smile of pain.

"I haven't told any of the others. It will be your choice if you want to."

He smiled and patted her hand, then left. River sat down beside her in a companionable silence as Inara wept again.

xxxx

She was in the infirmary a week, and after enduring creative Chinese swearing and throwing of objects at him for two days, Simon released her to her dorm room. She would have to take it easy for another 2 weeks minimum, to make sure she was completely healed. She could finally start eating normal food again after another week; after 2 weeks of IV's and jello, she was ready for some real food. She still felt depressed though, and still was nearly 2 months after the shooting. Everyone noticed it, but nobody dared to mention it. Zoe thought it might have to do with the way River seemed to be attached to the Captain's hip lately, but kept her counsel to herself.

"She seems to be healing quite well, Captain." Simon said, after Mal had pulled him aside one day.

"Seems depressed, though, Doc. Sure there isn't something I should know?"

"You'll have to ask her." he said, unable to break her confidence.

xxxx

"'Nara. How're ya doing today?"

"Fine, Mal." she said, shortly.

"Obviously not, otherwise ya wouldn't be hidin' in yer dorm again. You're healed up enough to go out and about again, even to go out on jobs again, Doc tells me. Sure something isn't wrong?"

She peered at him angrily, then released her anger in a miserable sigh. He sat down beside her on the bed, and pulled her up against his side; she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Simon had to remove my uterus to save me."

Mal was silent for a moment. "I'm sorry, 'Nara. No fun bein' deprived of your choice like that, no matter whether you were plannin' on having kids or not."

"I know. It's not as if I was beating off suitors with a stick out here, but it just hurts having an essential part of yourself cut away like that."

"Conjure you'll find some man some day who makes ya happy. If you're really lucky, he won't care if ya can have kids or not."

"Sure you want to be giving me such optimism?" she snarked, grinning at him sardonically.

"Just puttin' it in perspective, darlin'. Coulda been much worse."

"Yea, he coulda been taking out _your_ essential parts." she snarked again, grinning wider now.

"Hey, now. No givin' Doc any ideas."

"Caught you and River kissing again, huh?"

"Man has a nasty habit of sneakin' about the halls late at night. Musta learned it from River."

"Might as well just make it official, Mal. If you really want Simon to leave you alone, that is."

"Reckon yer right. Well, ya gonna come up for lunch?"

"Just let me change."

Inara bounced into the galley in a dress she hadn't touched in a year, a bright and cheery yellow gown. Everyone seemed relieved that she was back to her mostly normal self.

* * *

><p>"So that's why you didn't want to tell me before? Because you thought I wouldn't want you if you couldn't have children?"<p>

"Call it an unreasonable fear."

"You don't have to fear anything with me, bao bei. I love you, not your missing uterus."

"I'm glad to hear that." she breathed, kissing him deeply.

"If you're ever thinking you'd like a kid, we can look around. Sure to be all manner of children in the 'verse who'd like a mom and dad."

"We'll talk about it then."

There was a companionable silence, then she looked up at him.

"So that's the story. How I fell out of love with a pirate, and well...you know the rest."

Jamie smiled. "Seems I got the better end of that deal."

"Seems like." she whispered, then nuzzled into his neck, pulling him closer to her again, drifting back to sleep. The story continued in her dreams...

* * *

><p>There were still blips though; in between the thrill of wild chases and exciting gunfights, there were months of traveling silently through the Black, with only the same 7 people around her all the time. Seeing River and Mal together only made it a little more uncomfortable. She and Jayne, of all people, started staying up late at night talking in the galley; she wasn't particularly interested in a lover, and told him so right up front, but they found a companionable bond in their late night talks. Jayne seemed to be getting more literate and well-read lately; she wondered where that could be coming from. He took advantage of their talks as a chance to talk with better diction than his usual drawl.<p>

xxxx

About 9 months after her shooting, flush from a particularly successful job and a good payoff from Badger, they all decided to go to a tavern on Persephone and celebrate. There was drinking and dancing, and semi-decent tavern food; and Mal was picking up the tab.

Partway through their meal, a man caught her eye as he walked across the tavern, to a booth on the periphery. He was tall and lean, with a neat black goatee and black hair that showed signs of being a military haircut once upon a time. His long leather duster flowed in his passage. He sat and talked with someone Inara didn't know; inadvertently, she saw an exchange occur between the two men; some small object, probably a data chip, was exchanged for a small bag of platinum. _Must be an information broker._

A tapping on her shoulder caught her attention, and she turned to see River sitting next to her, with a big grin on her face. River maintained the physical contact, and Inara heard her in her head.

_He looks kuh ai._

_Shuh ma?_

_I said, the young man across the room. He looks kuh ai._

_River!_

_Well, I've been trying to get your attention for exactly 34 seconds now. Seems you were pretty caught up in him._

_Well...he is quite dashing._

River smiled, and turned her attention back to the rest of the gathering. They didn't seem to notice as Inara turned her head towards them, but kept the corner of her eye on the young man.

xxxx

Someone was watching him...but who? The place was pretty full, including that big party in the middle. _Looks like a spacer crew._ His practiced eye caught someone he thought he recognized. _Must be someone else. 'Verse is bound to be full of 'em._

Kenet Sommers, his client, left a few plat on the table to cover the tab, then made his way out. Jamison Monroe finished his drink in peace, spending his time people watching. He saw a stunningly beautiful mocha-haired woman in a simple, yet elegant dress sitting with the spacer crew; she was looking away, and belly laughed at something the big burly man said to her, but he couldn't shake the feeling that she had been the one studying him.

He got up and left when his drink was done; he didn't notice the eyes that were glued to his butt as he made his way out.

* * *

><p>Inara snuggled closer to Jamie as the peaceful night on Salyut went on; the sounds of music from outside Serenity lulled her to a deeper sleep.<p> 


End file.
